sometimes

* sometimes i feel like banging my head against the wall
* sometimes i wonder if they can even hear me
* sometimes i'm astounded at the complete lack of willingness to compromise
* sometimes i'm so tired my body shakes
* sometimes i'm so hungry i can feel the rumble of my stomach down to my toes
* sometimes i want to say f**k it all
* sometimes i want to run up and give someone a hug
* sometimes i want to nuzzle up against my mom and have her tell me everything will be okay
* sometimes i get so excited about going to the movies
* sometimes i wonder where the day went
* sometimes i wish i could go back with what i know now
* sometimes i'm really in a groove
* sometimes i wish life could be simpler
* sometimes i realize that although life may not be simple it is something to embrace...

friday/saturday shuffle

i feel like the walls are closing in on me and i can't type. daylight savings time is about to end and i'm feeling a bit melancholy. hopefully this shuffle will help to alleviate some of the pressure:

1. "Softer. Softest" - Hole
2. "Geek USA" - Smashing Pumpkins
3. "Orion" - Rodrigo y Gabriela
4. "Let Down" - Radiohead
5. "You Oughta Know" (live) - Alanis Morisette
6. "The Bad Thing" - Arctic Monkeys
7. "Don't Stop Me Now" - Queen
8. "Le Voyage de Penelope" - Air
9. "Surf Wax America" (live) - Weezer
10. "Treefingers" (extended) - Radiohead

my eyes are burning and my head is pounding but i love the sounds i hear.

it's sunday night

and i'm sitting in bed while my husband drifts off into la la land. i'm jealous. i desperately want to shut off my laptop, turn off the lamp, and settle down into a deep sunday sleep. but, alas, i'm anxiously awaiting an e-mail reply. i feel like a schoolgirl...

i've made friends with someone whom i think is way cool and funny and smart. someone with whom i can talk intelligently about film and academia and life. we've exchanged e-mail over the last couple of weeks and i've come to realize that he's very receptive and reciprocal to e-mail, myspace, or facebook conversations -- which is good fun (god, i never thought i'd hear myself say that...or see myself type it for that matter). so, here's the deal...

he's gay, which makes him ultra safe! here we are: a married straight woman and a single gay man (who, by the way, is one of my instructors at school). who could ask for a more perfect friendship than that? i'm excited and giddy about getting to know this person strictly as a friend. and he's a man...how awesome is that?! i don't have to worry about whether he thinks i like him or vice versa, it is pure friendly fun. which brings me back to my first point...

i'm sitting here anxiously awaiting an e-mail from my new friend, but nothing has arrived yet. i feel as though i'm waiting by the phone for a call from "that cute guy," but instead, i'm waiting at the laptop -- occasionally checking my inbox for a bolded message, but nothing. i look forward to exchanging e-mails with him -- it's like receiving a real letter in the mail! i think he's very insightful and i feel as though i can say anything back to him and not be self conscious about it.

wow, what's going on here?

i think i need a pen pal...

i need to get a grip and go to sleep.

but, before i do that, i'm going to share my shuffle with you (which looks as though it has been relegated to sunday instead of friday -- i'll see what i can do about that).

dance to the music:

1. "Spread" - Outkast
2. "Ebudae" - Enya
3. "Take Your Carriage Clock And Shove It" - Belle & Sebastian
4. "Everything In Its Right Place" (BBC Remix) - Radiohead
5. "Everest" - Ani DiFranco
6. "Backdrifts (Honeymoon Is Over) - Radiohead
7. "Career Opportunities" - The Clash
8. "Tvc 15" - David Bowie
9. "Mike Mills" - Air
10. "Seven Nation Army" - The White Stripes

peace out.

sugar water

i just saw this video for the first time this week and am continually amazed at michel gondry's talent. check it out for yo'self.

shuffling a friday to a sunday and a couple of nonsensical blabberings - don't mind me

i know, i know, everyone is busy, i'm not the only one. but, i really am up to my ears with school, home, family, internship, life, you name it...

and i feel this insane pressure to do everything perfectly and on time. yes, i am feeling sorry for myself.

starting a blog was supposed to be fun and therapeutic, but i'm feeling stressed and this weird pressure to keep up with it. and i shouldn't. but, i am determined to not give up on it. so, here is a post on a sunday night when i should be doing one of these instead:

1. reading
2. researching
3. cleaning
4. anything other than sitting in front of the computer looking at boots online and driveling on about how i'm soooooo busy

there is one bright spot. a light at the end of the tunnel if you will. i'm shooting my student film tomorrow and hoping the weather cooperates. i've been pretty nervous and excited about it, but tomorrow is the day. pretty jazzed that i'm getting real hands-on experience with 16mm cameras. wish me luck.

i'm also interning at an independent film company in san francisco and it's pretty exciting stuff. i'll go into more detail later, but suffice it to say, i'm enjoying being part of a grassroots effort despite the stress and pressure.

is there a theme going on here? why, yes there is. it's called: stress and pressure.

okay, that's enough. i'm through with that now.

should go and attempt to do one of the things on my list above. but before i go, here is my friday shuffle on a sunday. behold:

1. "Sweet Jane" - Cowboy Junkies
2. "Feeling Good" - Bobby Darin
3. "High As The Ceiling" - Stereophonics
4. "Pigs In Zen" (live) - Jane's Addiction
5. "Northern Whale" - The Good, The Bad & The Queen
6. "A Message" - Coldplay
7. "Any Way You Want It" - Journey
8. "Garageland" - The Clash
9. "I Go Humble" - Bjork
10. "Gnossienne 5" - Amarcord Wien

there you have it.

my compulsion

why, i ask you, do i feel compelled to walk out with a newly purchased book each and every time i walk into a bookstore? it's a compulsion. how many books do i think i can possibly read at one time? i already have five books sitting on my nightstand:

1. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer
2. 8 Weeks to Optimum Health by Andrew Weil
3. Early Bird by Rodney Rothman (i'm happy to say that i have actually started and finished this one. it is still on my nightstand though.)
4. Julie and Julia by Julie Powell
5. Jim Jarmusch by Juan A. Suarez

and i just bought three more:

1. The Guerilla Art Kit by Keri Smith
2. The Nasty Bits by Anthony Bourdain (my new crush)
3. Art Brut: The Origins of Outsider Art by Lucienne Peiry

what in the world am i thinking? not only have i just added three more books to my collection, but i have a ton of books i bought back in the 90's that i haven't read yet. get a grip!

i know it sounds silly, but i love books. i might as well be drawing pictures of unicorns and rainbows on my school notebook. but really, i do love books. absorbing the stories, ideas, and knowledge is really what is so appealing and fascinating about books. books rock!

i try to avoid the bookstore on campus, but my morning class was canceled and what else was i supposed to do for an hour? i tried to walk past it, but i could feel the bookstore's magnetic pull and the next thing i knew, i was inside with a book in my hand. not two minutes in the store and i grabbed a book! a compulsion i tell you.

on another note, here's my friday shuffle:

1. "Army Of Me" (live) - Bjork
2. "Angel" - Sarah McLachlan
3. "This Is Not A Love Song" - Nouvelle Vague
4. "Peach" - Prince
5. "Maggie's Farm" (live) - Bob Dylan
6. "Exile" - Enya
7. "Starman" - David Bowie
8. "Your Song" - Elton John
9. "Friend Of A Friend" - Foo Fighters
10. "La Bayamesa" - Buena Vista Social Club

and that's all i have to say about that...

my new favorite person

anthony bourdain rocks. i love, love, love the fact that he sports some skin art. so cool...

anthony's show, no reservations, is travel, food, culture, and adventure all rolled into one. i love the fact that he unashamedly drinks, smokes and swears on his show which is evidence that this is definitely not your ordinary "food network" show. don't get me wrong, i do love watching the food network, but i like to spice it up with a little bourdain action. if you've never seen his show, you must check it out on the travel channel! good stuff indeed.

peace out.